Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
