OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
