It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
