The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just google imaged poop.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
