I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
