just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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