i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
