we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
