im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
