now i know why i became what i already was.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
