I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
