I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
