you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
