his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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