Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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