i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
So many bounce houses so little time
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel like death gave me a hand job
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
