He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
organizing the empties. That sober.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
