id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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