this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just high enough for therapy.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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