I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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