stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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