i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
