whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
