dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
