im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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