every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
