well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize