She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
