When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
