Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
