those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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