Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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