no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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