i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I know her cup size but not her name....
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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