There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
