ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
