it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
