Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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