LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
