Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
