Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
