I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
