Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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