I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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