Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
