i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
