If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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