My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
