You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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