if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
