he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
