my shit smells like andre
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
