you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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