Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
