So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
