And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
