Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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