Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize