there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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