Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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