Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
