I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My life is pants optional.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
