walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
