Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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