if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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