I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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