Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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