my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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