Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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