R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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