wanna go halves on a baby?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
