you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
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He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
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I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize