Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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