i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
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I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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